The three non-negotiables of children’s ministry

What are the most important things in your children’s ministry? If you had to strip away everything else, what are the indispensable elements of a faithful ministry to children?

In his book, The Faith of our Children, Matt Markins explores the ‘gaps’ between what American children’s ministers say they believe is important and where they actually put their time and effort. One chapter is devoted to ‘fun’. Here’s what the research showed:

‘Fun ranked as the least important objective out of 10 areas evaluated. Fun scored our highest ranking in terms of what we do (our performance).’ ¹

In other words, fun isn’t the purpose of the programs, but it is where leaders put the majority of their time and effort. There was a noticeable gap between the stated goals and what leaders spent most of their time doing.

There could be many different factors as to why that gap exists. It does prompt us to reflect on ourselves and ask, ‘Do our convictions match our practice?’ Are the most important things in your children’s ministry the things that are given the most time and attention?

Here’s what I believe are the top three non-negotiables of any faithful children’s ministry.

1.       Gather around God’s word 

We need to be teaching the Bible. Every week. We need to be sharing the words of eternal life with young people, clearly, age-appropriately and regularly. God’s word is where we encounter Jesus, where we learn what God is like and what it looks like to obey and trust in him. It’s ‘useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness’ (2 Tim 3:16).

It can be tempting to let our desire to engage well and be fun and entertaining overtake our clear teaching of God’s word. It can be tempting to water down the truths we think are not age-appropriate or are less palatable in our society. Don’t. We need to keep the Bible central in our children’s ministries.

It is wise to be age-appropriate. But let’s not underestimate what children are capable of. We want our programs to be places where there can be hard questions, doubts can be voiced and different perspectives taken seriously. As leaders, we don’t need to be afraid of that, even when we don’t know all the answers. We can model a prayerful respect for the authoritative word of God, confident that faith grows as we hear God speak.

2.       Safe relationships

Psalm 133 begins, ‘How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!’ This is true for all ages. Young people flourish when they are seeing and experiencing healthy relationships. Parents love seeing their children and youth keen to be at church to meet with friends. Leaders rightly put time and effort into developing appropriate trusting relationships that allow them to encourage and support young people.

Given that abuse has happened within faith communities in the past, there is no wiggle room with child protection. We simply must be beyond reproach at all times and do everything required to keep all children safe in our programs and beyond.

In some communities, the temptation is to be lax with such guidelines because ‘Everyone knows each other here’. Resist it. In other places, we are so strict that we risk losing relationships altogether because adults are so afraid of accusations or coming ‘too close’ to those lines we must not cross. Child Protection guidelines such as ‘Never be alone with a child’ are right and necessary but that does not mean that we can never have a one-to-one conversation with a child. Don’t go so far that you lose the appropriate relationships of trust that allow young people to see faith in the words, actions and lives of older believers.

The New Testament is full of ‘one another’ instructions that help us grow in faith, share our faith and persevere through the challenges of life. We must not fail to obey out of fear. It can be helpful to regularly talk about the child protection guidelines and requirements at all levels of church gatherings, so that they become familiar and routine. And let’s continue to pray that our churches are places where safe discipling relationships can flourish.

3.       Seek growth

Routine is both a blessing and a curse. When well thought-out strategies for discipleship become second nature, there can be long-lasting benefits but when bad ones become habitual, the damage is equally long-term. Many churches become stuck in doing things ‘the way we always have’ and lose their desire for growth and improvement.

Here’s the hard bit: growth means change. To see growth, we must be willing to deal with the discomforts of change. I am referring to growth in all senses: growth in numbers, growth in spiritual maturity for both children and leaders, growth in relationships as children get to know each other and leaders better, growth in the leadership team as they serve together over time.

I’m a big fan of establishing good routines that support discipleship through safe relationships as we gather around God’s word. But I also want to have room for trying new ideas and being flexible enough to adapt to new challenges. I can always learn and seek improvement because Jesus is worthy of my best efforts.

It’s essential to be clear on which areas we are flexible with and which we won’t be. It’s great to try new ways to make my Bible studies more engaging, but I’m not going to be so flexible that the Bible gets shafted to make it fun. In an age when change is everywhere, we need to be adaptable with the ‘how’ but not the ‘what’. Our message is always Jesus.

A willingness to always grow and improve is essential for children’s ministry leaders. It is the fruit of a humble heart that rejoices to serve the risen Saviour and share his love with others.

As I reflect on these three non-negotiables, I’m tempted to add more. Prayer, of course, is an essential practice that continually reminds us of our dependence on our heavenly Father to bless our efforts and give that invisible growth in the hearts of young people. The value for a leadership team, however, is all being on the same page, no matter how you articulate the essentials.

I wonder what the results would show if we surveyed Australian children’s ministry leaders in the same way that Markins did. Would there be a gap between what we believe is important and indispensable and where we are putting our time and effort? Where do you see gaps?

(1) Markins, M. 2023, The Faith of Our Children: Eight Timely Research Insights for Discipling the Next Generation. D6 Family Ministry.