Answering tricky questions: Taking them seriously
Dylan* is a young adult who has left the church. His story is one of many collected as part of research on why young people leave church by Dr Ruth Lukabyo, Dr Graham Stanton, John Marion and Dr Ruth Powell and presented at the recent Youthworks College Theology Think Tank.
There are various reasons Dylan gives for his departure, but one part of his story caught my attention. He describes himself as a child who was fascinated by dinosaurs. He remembers asking his Kids church leaders questions about how dinosaurs fit into the Bible’s stories. He felt those questions were brushed aside and not taken seriously.
I wonder about that. It’s likely his leaders barely remember those moments amidst the many questions and many children they interacted with and cared for, yet it is a lasting memory for him. I imagine those leaders did really care about Dylan and his questions but perhaps were not able to demonstrate that well in the moment.
How do we show kids that their questions really matter? Here are some ideas.
Affirm their curiosity
“Good question! I love that you’re thinking about how this all fits together…”. No matter what the question, it’s good to answer with a warm acknowledgment that their curiosity is good. It’s easy to underestimate how important this is.
Can they find the answer for themselves?
The answer will be much more memorable and meaningful if the child can work out the answer for themselves. This means we need to think about how to gently guide them to look in the right place (almost always the bible), think in the right categories and consider related ideas. “That’s a great question! Let’s all look at verse 5 and see if that helps us with this question.” Or, “Good question, let’s think about what happened just before this event, that might help us make sense of it”.
Strengthen independent faith
Guiding kids to find the answer means we don’t jump straight into answering it ourselves. This can be harder than it sounds. We need to share some of what we know to help them grapple with the concepts and ideas involved, so they can resolve the questions in ways that make sense to them. We want to support them in reaching the conclusions that are true and biblical. Discovering they can work these things out for themselves is a great way to strengthen the faith of our young people. It means they don’t need us as leaders to fix it for them. While we will always need each other in the body of Christ, we don’t want to grow young disciples who feel they can’t find answers in God’s word themselves.
Go down the rabbit hole
Doing that kind of exploration of a question with young people means that you might end up a long way from what you planned for this teaching time or small group. Sometimes that’s ok. It does take wisdom to know when to go down the rabbit hole and when to come back to that question later. The freedom of church-based ministries is that it’s really not the end of the world if we don’t finish the set content as planned. Young people are much more likely to remember when they are interested and engaged in finding the answer.
Write it down
As leaders, we sometimes intend to affirm a question but our “Let’s come back to it later” sounds like a brush off. Encourage the young person to write the question down. Maybe even have a place to stick it up, a ‘Questions to come back to’ board, so they know it’s important. I think this could be a good way to make sure we don’t forget about questions, and also show the kids that their question matters. If writing it down isn’t possible at the time, a leader may be able to note it down or write it on the whiteboard.
Check in later
Sometimes how we feel we did in answering a question well doesn’t match how the young person feels. A few years ago, I remember checking in with a kid who had asked a great question, “Do you remember the answer to your question?” She looked at me and said, “Nope, but I remember my question”. It was such a good lesson. I hadn’t guided her to see the answer for herself so it didn’t stick. Checking in meant that I now knew my answer wasn’t good enough. Checking in can also help kids know that their questions do matter to us.
Questions that come up again and again can also show us that we haven’t explored or resolved them enough. That’s ok. It is a sign to leaders that we need to keep helping them wrestle with this question and guide them to seek God and look to him and his word.
Question boxes
These are still a great idea for so many reasons. In particular, they allow for leaders to prepare themselves to answer questions well. My suggestion would be that instead of just preparing an answer, think through how to give an answer that takes young people step by step on how to find answers or how you found the answer. We want to guide them through the steps to find answers so they can do it for themselves and each other.
Doubts and questions without answers
There are questions that don’t really have answers, or at least, not ones that feel like answers. These are moments when we need to remind ourselves and young people that it’s ok to have doubts and big questions. It’s part of growing a strong and resilient faith. They aren’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. We can hold on to what is clear in Scripture — God’s love for us in Christ, assurance of salvation for those who trust in him and so on and trust him in the areas we don’t understand.
When young people ask questions, we need to take them seriously. These are moments when we can affirm our care for them and help them grow in their faith.
Want to train your leaders on this topic? Find options here.
Want to know more about this research? Come to the International Association of Youth ANZ Conference at Youthworks College 29-31 July.
* Name changed for privacy reasons.
