Fostering a sense of belonging in kids ministry

21/05/2025

Annemarie Rivers is the Children’s Ministry & Primary SRE Advisor for the Western region

“How many kids do you usually get on a Sunday morning?”

This is one of the questions I sometimes ask when I meet with a Children’s Ministry leader to get a sense of what ministry looks like in their church. The answer varies of course, but it almost always comes with the comment,

“Well, if everyone turned up, we might have about ___, but usually it’s more like ____ (lower number).”

I nod, unsurprised, because pretty much everyone is seeing the same patterns of irregular and sporadic attendance. Besides the children of the ministry team, most other kids come only once or twice a month.

Low and irregular attendance at church is a concerning trend for leaders today. It is evident in statistics from Australian churches as it is across the US. According to Barna research, the dropout rate of teens as they age out of their youth programs is 59-64%.[1] Other research showed ‘church’ children are attending church only 1.7 times a month.[2] In Sydney, there is evidence of overall decline in attendance across our churches that has many people worried.[3]

As someone particularly concerned with the discipleship of children, sporadic attendance is discouraging. Children who only turn up for four or five Sundays in the term are missing out, and in more ways than one.

·       They miss hearing the Bible taught, often missing chunks from the middle of biblical narratives (such as the stories of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob from Genesis).

·       They miss time to make friends and form discipling relationships with leaders.

·       Their ‘normal’ is one where church is not a priority.

Many kids ministry leaders are also discouraged because it seems like we can’t do much to change this. If parents don’t bring their children, the children just won’t be there.

There is also the potential for concerning long-term outcomes from these trends. If kids grow up thinking irregular attendance is ‘normal’ then it will likely shape their commitment to church as adults and, in turn, with their own children. Then there is the possibility that they won’t stick with church at all. Valerie Bell, CEO of Awana in the US, writes,

‘Kids who drop out, the 50% we are watching leave the church today, we suspect are kids whose “belonging” was a weak or sporadic attachment. As young kids, they went with the program. Or not. But when they matured into young adulthood, then we could see how weak their attachment to the body of Christ actually was all along. Low attendance is potentially a warning symptom of things to come.’[4]

Just as we can’t ignore the statistics about adult attendance, we can’t ignore the impact this will have on children.

Now, of course, all is not lost. Christ will build his church. I’m not trying to depress you. Taking these statistics and our corresponding experience seriously means thinking carefully about many aspects of our values and practice. I want to highlight one area I think children’s ministry leaders need to consider – fostering in our young people a sense of belonging at church.

It’s not that hard to leave a church when hardly anyone knew your name in the first place. As we disciple kids, we want to see them becoming adults who find their joy and identity in Christ. That involves hearing, wrestling with and knowing God’s Word. It also involves becoming part of a community who all seek to live under Christ’s Lordship in serving and being served, bearing with one another through the ups and downs of life. It involves the invisible and often slow work of the Spirit in opening hearts and minds to the beauty of the gospel. Yep, it’s both simple and complex. Yet we often overlook the ‘easy’ things that are within our reach – like learning names.

In many of the churches I visit, clear and age-appropriate Bible teaching is a priority in kids ministry. We think carefully about curriculum choices and take our responsibility to teach God’s Word very seriously. I hope this never changes.

Something we are less intentional about is creating a sense of belonging at church for our children. This begins with things as simple as learning names and welcoming children with eye contact and a smile. It includes a range of adults, not just leaders, of all ages, investing time and effort into getting to know kids, building trust over time so that there is relational safety when life gets tough or doubts arise. It also involves allowing children to be more than just passive consumers in our programs but active, contributing members who give as well as receive.

Sounds a bit too ‘pie in the sky’? I know it’s easy to speak of these things and much harder to do them. Here are some concrete ways to start fostering a sense of belonging in young people:

a)       Encourage all adults to learn the names of the children and greet them at every opportunity (yes, I’ve said this three times! It really can make a big difference). Especially encourage the welcoming team to know the names of the children as well as the adults.

b)       Take every opportunity to spend time together and build relationships. It can be really hard to start having deep faith conversations with random young people. And that is because the groundwork of relational trust isn’t there yet. It takes time, and often time doing things together. Having lunch, cleaning up, packing up morning tea, giving out name stickers… anything that can be done with young people, do it together.

c)       Remember what matters. Friends remember stuff about each other’s lives. If a young person loves football or cricket, or Formula One, ask them about that. If they had a birthday party or went on a special holiday, ask how it went. Share a few things about what you do and like too, as getting to know someone goes both ways.

d)       Laughter is a great building block for friendships. Are there opportunities to have fun together as a church family? Often our Christmas Carols, or other special events like Trivia nights can be times when both young and old can laugh and spend time together. What else could you do to create some fun and laughter?

A sense of belonging, of being known, accepted, remembered and missed when you’re not there, is a crucial foundation for ears that hear, and hearts that receive the gospel. It’s not everything, but it does matter. While we continue to improve our Bible teaching, let’s also put some time and energy into being leaders and congregation members who help young people feel like they belong in church.

[1] https://www.barna.com/research/resilient-disciples/

[2] Cited in Bell, Marchand, Markins & Handler, 2021, p31.

[3] https://acl.asn.au/confronting-the-big-attendance-drop-with-toby-neal-dave-jensen-and-geoff-bates/

[4] Bell, V., Marchand, C., Markins, M., & Handler, M. 2021. Resilient: Child Discipleship and the Fearless Future of the Church. Walsworth Publishing Company. P187.