Two Ways to Get Quiet Discussion Groups Talking

09/05/2025

Al James is the Youth Ministry & High School SRE Advisor for the Western region.

Think of a time where you’ve asked a question in a discussion and everyone falls silent… but the good kind. They all stare off into space, you can see the cogs turning in their mind and you’re confident that any second now, you’ll recommence a rip roaring, lively discussion that brings the truth of the Bible right down to the nitty gritty of life. Those are the golden moments of discipleship!

But it can be hard to get there.

The other type of silence is not so good. The kind when you ask a question and all the heads go down- people might look like they’re re-reading the bible passage or deep in thought, but they’re actually avoiding eye contact.

The silence is broken by “jump in guy” – you know, the one who can’t tolerate the silence and so has to end it. Then everyone breathes a sigh of relief – they don’t have to answer. Sometimes it’s followed up by a conversation between you and “jump in guy” that no one else contributes to, and other times it’s followed by another question and the awkward process repeats.

One kind of silence is productive, while the other is detrimental to forming a good group culture. One kind of silence promotes discussion, the other hampers it.

What produces that second kind of silence? Here are some of the possible causes:

1)        A group that doesn’t trust each other.

2)        A question that is too obvious (and therefore feels dumb/pointless to answer).

3)        A question that is too hard, too specific (pick what’s in my head) or too personal.

4)        The fact that teenagers can be self-conscious.

Of course, all of these can be addressed in various ways, by crafting good questions and working on group culture. Today I want to encourage you to try out two simple tools that, particularly when used together, go a long way in promoting a positive group culture, minimising self-consciousness issues and creating a platform for the types of discussion where you get the good kind of silence.

Tool #1: Think–Pair-Share

1)        Ask a question or give an instruction

2)        Give people a chance to think about it on their own (say 10 seconds or more)

3)        Ask people to discuss the question in a pair or with the people near them

4)        Go around the circle asking each pair to share their thoughts with the wider group

Here's why I think this tool works:

Structure - Uncertainty can be a breeding ground for self-consciousness. But Think-Pair-Share minimises uncertainty by providing a clear structure. Everyone knows what’s expected of them and everyone will have a chance to share.

Instructions – My anecdotal observation is that typically questions are not an effective way to begin talking about a topic in the first instance. Once the discussion is going, they regain importance in the cut and thrust of conversation. But in a group setting, instructions typically set people at ease.

For example,

“What we’re going to do is to list all the words that describe how Jesus felt towards the Pharisees in the passage.”

feels more comfortable to a group than

“How did Jesus feel about the Pharisees?”

Testing ideas – Think-Pair-Share gives the opportunity for shy or self-conscious teenagers to try out an answer before submitting it to the scrutiny of a tribunal of peers. It removes the uncertainty of whether they’ll be rejected for their answer. This is especially important if the question is hard or personal.

Time to think/clarify – Sometimes uncertainty comes because young people didn’t hear or don’t understand the question or activity. Think-Pair-Share gives an opportunity to process and to clarify what’s actually being asked without feeling like they have been put on the spot.

Everyone gets a chance to engage – One of the potential traps of asking questions first is that you can end up with only one or two of the group engaging. You want to avoid having a discussion with two or three people while another five just look on.

Tool #2: The follow up question

Think-Pair-Share can be done as a standalone activity to observe a Bible text or delve deeper into interpreting the text or thinking about its application.

But I think it works really well when it’s combined with another simple tool, the follow up question. The most useful follow up question I’ve ever used or heard is this:

Tell me more about that (OK, it’s actually an instruction, not a question!)

Variations of this include:

“Say more about that”, “Can you elaborate?”, “Interesting, sounds like there’s lots more behind what you’re saying there, is that right?”

“Tell me more” is a simple way to open up, rather than shut down conversation. It serves as a platform for more meaningful interactions from others as well.

Some questions that can follow “tell me more” to invite others into the conversation include:

·        Do we all agree with that?

·        Does anyone want to add to that?

·        Does anyone want to challenge that?

·        Does anyone have a different view?

·        What can we do with that?

·        What difference will that make to us on a Monday morning?

All of these questions take the idea that has been shared and put it on the table for discussion, agreement, extension, application, disagreement and challenge, all of which the group is better equipped and ready for because they had a chance to grapple with it while they were doing Think-Pair Share.

How might you be able to use these tools in your youth ministry?