Perfectly known, perfectly loved

In one episode of Brooklyn 99 Captain Holt says, ‘Every time someone steps up and says who they really are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.’

When I teach the Sexuality and Identity unit at Youthworks College, we often start by reflecting on those words.  Captain Holt says two things about a person: that you need to look inside to see who you really are, and that you need to express it, to step up and say who you are.

Carl Trueman calls this worldview ‘The notion that I am most truly myself when I am able to express outwardly what that voice of nature says to me inwardly. Doing that, to use modern parlance, is what makes me authentic.’[1] This view has shaped the way young people think about themselves and their place in the world.  You hear this same sentiment repeated by Esther[2], a young believer quoted in the Your Story research who had ‘Many times of doubt, of isolation, of feeling like I am a fraud, not actually thinking I can hear God’s voice, convincing myself that I had made it up or was not being authentic or having false pride.’[3]

Along with the struggle to be authentic, post-modern culture and young people are suspicious of institutions and people who have any kind of power, which can be used to silence or oppress minorities and stop them expressing their authentic selves. I am sure many of you have had the experience of teaching about these issues and sensing that the listeners think you are being judgmental and oppressive. For example, hear the words of Isabella[4], quoted in the Your Story research:

(To children’s ministry leaders): ‘Thanks for trying. I know that you meant well but you primed me for just accepting anything if someone was in a position of authority. You primed me for being self-conscious of my body and clothing. You indoctrinated me but did nothing to help me.’[5]

Sadly, such experiences lead some to give up their faith because they believe that Christians in the church misuse their power in this way.

A biblical view of identity

The Bible has a different picture of identity that is far better.

1.       We are made in God’s image

Genesis 1:26-27 tells us that we are created in the image of God, and that we as the end point of his creation are good, we have dignity and purpose. We should see ourselves as precious in his sight.

2.       We are creatures

We are creatures, our identity is a gift from God, not invented or discovered within. Therefore, we are utterly dependent upon him. We were made for relationship — with God and with others. God himself is relational — Father, Son, and Spirit — existing in a triune mutual love relationship from eternity. Out of the overflow of that love, not from any need, he created the world and made us male and female, for community, friendship, and family. We are not self-sufficient.

3.       We are made to serve our creator

Life is not about our own fulfilment or satisfaction; it is about serving the Lord. This is how we are truly made and will flourish: to obey his commands and his guidance for our lives. We are not defined by ‘finding ourselves’ but by being known by God. That allows us to rest, rather than looking inward to the restless heart to discover who we are. There is a foundation and love that is faithful and certain.

Practices that shape a biblical identity

We can help young people resist the restless search for authenticity by forming them in habits that anchor their identity in Christ. Brian Rosner in his book Known by God mentions these practices:

1.     Get baptised;
2. Attend family gatherings;
3. Read and hear the Bible;
4. Pray to our heavenly Father;
5. Sing the faith;
6. Say the creed;
7. Take communion;
8. Live the gospel[6]

It is interesting that almost all the practices, except for the last one, are experienced in church. Surely this means that we need to be persistent in encouraging our young people to participate in church rather than merely being present on a Friday night or at Bible study.

To this list I would like to add a few more suggestions:

1.       Critique culture

Expressive individualism is the water that we swim in. It is difficult for a young person to see and critique it, so we need to train them to critique what they hear and see around them.

2.       Celebrate our differences

Too often, a Christian response to expressive individualism is to say: ‘Find your identity in Christ.’ Simon Swadling has warned us against this phrase that is so easily said— ‘you are not your own; you were bought at a price’ — but … ‘this doesn’t mean you cease to be you. Our particularities are not erased because we are Christ’s special possession. Rather we live out these realities in our own particular ways.’[7]

3.       Don’t just look at one passage, but at the whole of the Bible

The Bible gives us a rich view of who we are as persons, created, fallen, redeemed, and waiting for the new creation. All aspects of our identity and sexuality are shaped by these gospel truths.

4.       Encourage them to serve

In a self-focused world, service can turn their gaze outward to love our neighbour. Be creative in the ways that your youth can serve in your church.

5.       Nurture deep relationships with church family and friends

Our identity is formed in relationships with those around us. Warm and rich intergenerational relationships in the church can help a young person flourish as who they are as an individual Christian believer.

A Better Story

Expressive individualism says, ‘You do you.’ The gospel says, ‘You are not your own; you were bought at a price’ (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). The gospel offers a deeper authenticity — not in creating a self we must constantly perform and protect, but in receiving an identity as a beloved child of the Father.

Bonhoeffer’s prayer captures this beautifully: ‘Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine.’ This is the hope we want to offer the next generation — not the crushing burden of perfectly defining themselves, but the freedom and peace of being perfectly known and perfectly loved.

[1]  Carl R. Trueman, Strange New World: How Thinkers and Activists Redefined Identity and Sparked the Sexual Revolution.(Wheaton IL: Crossway, 2022), 40-41.

[2] Not real name.

[3] Your Story, Key Findings, Nov 2024, 13.

[4] Not real name.

[5] Your Story, Key Findings, Nov 2024, 41.

[6] Brian Rosner. Known By God, A Biblical Theology of Personal Identity. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2017), 246,247.

[7] https://simonswadling.substack.com/p/the-problem-with-finding-your-identity